Mixed feelings at 35

This year is 2025 and I'm turning 35 soon.

It feels like an exciting milestone, but also a little scary.

I've known that 35 is a special number in life. People say your 20s are for exploration, for trying different things and figuring out what you like. Then, from 30 to 35, you are setting the stage, forming your own perspective on life.

At 35, they say you should know what you're going after. You have your unique take, you stop worrying about how others see you, and you focus on making things happen.

And yet, here I am full of mixed feelings.

There's a lingering insecurity, mostly tied to my kids.

Because they're growing up fast.

I often ask myself - can I keep up? Can I provide? Will I give them the life they deserve? Are my wife and I exposing them to enough of the world, or are we unintentionally shaping them into versions of ourselves?

Then there's the feeling that I'm doing things but it's not enough. There's no clear breakthrough in sight and I'm still figuring things out step by step.

Am I supposed to have it all figured out by 35? Or is that a 40s thing?

But at the same time, I see how much I've grown over the last 13 years since leaving school.

I've developed patience.

Usually this kind of patience is associated with investing, but I mean more than that - life in general.

In the 20s, it is so easy to chase after quick wins, like wanting to start a business fresh out of school or wanting to make wealth from trading stocks. Now, I take the long view. If I invest in something, it's because I'm willing to wait.

I also spend more time on the right things. I'm okay with saying no—to things I don't want to do, to people I don't want to be around. That alone is huge growth.

For the next five years, from 2025 to 2030, I will be 35-40 years old and I know it is a critical stage.

It's time for me to hone in on something, to become exceptionally good at one thing, and to be known for it. I know that's tough especially in today's world, where pivoting is the norm and market shifts pull you in different directions.

And then there's financial security.

In five years, my two-year-old will be seven and my four-year-old will be nine. This is the stage where unpredictable income is no longer an option. We need stability — knowing exactly how much is coming in, how much is going out, and where it's all going. School, activities, everyday life — these things need structure and plan.

But I also remind my self that after these five years, they'll be that much closer to being teenagers and they'll spend more time outside, away from us. I have to treasure their pre-teen years while I can.

So, 35? It's such a complicated stage of life.

I feel old. But I know that I'm not that old and I have so much more ahead of me.